I sometimes forget how alike Devon and I are. I also sometimes forget that we both have the same reactions to things.
I got a bit upset today about something. Admittedly, I was being a little overly sensitive but still, it upset me. As a result, I shut down, which I usually do. I don’t like to overreact or speak out of pure emotion when I’m upset, so I shut down until I can get control of myself. Devon is the same way. If I get upset with him and shut down, he pretty much follows suit and does the same thing back. It’s not the most effective plan of action, but it’s us.
So the majority of today, Devon and I are home and essentially not speaking. It’s not comfortable, at all. And I’m upset and us not speaking is making me more upset. Because, again, Devon and I are alike. Neither of us will chase after someone who is upset with us, that person needs to come to us when they are ready. All day, I wasn’t ready. But finally I couldn’t take the silence anymore so I went into our room to get my thoughts together and then invited him in so we could talk.
Devon is a good listener despite the fact that he believes he isn’t. He came in and I put all the upset feelings out in the open. What happened, why it upset me, etc. He didn’t tell me I was silly for getting upset or that my feelings were unfounded. He explained his point in the whole situation, he didn’t make excuses for what happened but explained himself.
I was in a relationship a few years ago where, if this same situation had happened, all of my upset feelings would have been dismissed by saying it was silly, and that I had no reason to be upset. Nothing would have been explained and nothing changed. Devon listened, he comprehended where I was coming from, he explained and even brought up a couple good points of his own that were somewhat related on his end. There was resolution and relief.
No relationship is perfect. It’s impossible to expect something like that. But both parties have to be willing to work on their relationship for it to be successful; you both have to be willing to talk to each other, to listen to each other, to put yourself completely out there even when it’s uncomfortable and to respect each other enough to not belittle anyone else’s emotions no matter what.
I appreciate and love Devon for that. I appreciate that we can have a deep heart-to-heart conversation about our relationship without any one getting upset or any belittling. We are both trying at this every day. Everything is always a work in process, our relationship is no different.