I think this is the third time I’ve posted from Florida.
But it’s almost over. I go home tomorrow. Yay! It’s been so much fun as it always is and I can’t wait for Montreal next year.
I still miss Devon but not as terribly as I did Wednesday.
This is the first ime he and I have spent this much time apart since we moved in and there’s an adjustment to being around each other all the time and suddenly the other person is just gone. So I asked him a question last night with yesterday being the sort of midpoint of my time away and I told him to be honest with me as he always is. I asked him, “ignoring how crass this may sound, how much are you enjoying/not enjoying the fact that I’m not home?”
I can’t synopsize his response so I’m just going to c&p his response:
“I’m naturally a solitary guy, so on that level, it’s nice to have a little bit of alone time. But there’s very obviously something very prominent missing, and it’s very apparent in my mood the last few days. Haven’t been the most tolerant or zen lately. So mentally, it’s nice. Emotionally and spiritually, notsomuch. Which is as it should be. I mean, it’s nice to spend some time apart. And we should both enjoy it. But there’s nothing like being together.”
That made me happy.
As much as I missed him on Wednesday, it got easier as time went on. There’s part of me that is fine being here on my own and there’s part that misses him like crazy. I love being here but I can’t wait to come home. Which is how it should be. We both always admit that we always feel at our best when we are together and even though we might both be slightly distracted or off our game apart, we can still exist individually. For me that is so important. Because I go to thee conferences every year and I’m not going to stop just because I live with him. These conferences as amazing for me every year, they’re rejuvenating and informative and fun. Counseling is hard so it’s nice to have a few days to chill out. And I love the people I see and come here with. They’re a different branch of my family and I adore this time I get with them because I love them so much.
But I’m a nurturer, I like and needed to know that Devon is okay when I’m gone. Last year he wasn’t at all. The first night he was almost begging for me to come home. And it really set a tone for the rest of my vacation because part of my heart felt broken because he was so out of it at home and it affected me. I don’t want him to have that every year. And it’s nice to know that he’s fine at home (with maya). He misses me, but he’s okay. Just like I miss him, but I’m okay. That’s perfect to me.
Now I’m going to my last parties of the year and I fly home tomorrow morning, back to my Devon as we have much catching up to do. I can’t wait to do it all over again next year in Montreal!