So I know I’ve been a little depressing as of late.  I apologize, it’s just been a rough couple of weeks. 

Today was really nice, though; it was moving and powerful.  A couple of months ago I received an invitation to bring four of my sophomores to the Women of the World Leadership conference day for students.  Only so many schools are invited so I definitely wanted to make sure I brought some of our young ladies.  

I selected four of my sophomores and we drove out to Notre Dame of MD early this morning.  Their small arena was filled with about 500 young women and chaperones for this event.  My girls were so excited to be there; they’d been excited since I asked them to join me a couple of weeks ago.  It was an amazing feat especially considering these girls were supposed to have a 3 day weekend (today was a faculty professional development day) so they gave up their day off for this.   

The day was designed to empower young women to be leaders in their school and in their community.  There were several powerful female speakers that spoke about their lives and how they became a leader in their own rights and how these young women can be the change that this world needs. There were leaders from One Love and Pretty Girl Revolution, which  are two organizations I brought to my school because I believe in those organizations so highly, as well as Running Start, Notre Dame, and others.  

My girls wanted pictures with everyone and wanted to meet everyone.  I was so happy about that.  They wanted to make an impact and they wanted to reach out and make connections with these powerful women in our community.  Two of my girls were even asked to join Running Start because they were so well-spoken and had so many goals to help their community.  

One of the best parts of the day, is that my girls were on the local news station tonight!  One of our local broadcasters was there interviewing for the broadcast tonight and my girls asked if they could go and talk to her.  I’m not going to say no; I was so proud of them.  They were poised and eloquent in front of the camera; they definitely held their own. 

But I was most proud at how respectful and engaged they were the whole day.  It was a long day but even until the end they were fully invested in the day and they were paying attention to even the last speaker like she was the first person there.  There were other girls behind us who were goofing off by the end and it was annoying me, but I was still so proud to see my girls acting like leaders; like respectful young women and I was proud.  

I even got to see my old science teacher from middle school.  Most people know her, these days as Michael Phelps’ mom; I just know her as Ms. Phelps; one of the best teacher’s I’ve ever had.  I love her so much.  She emcee’d the event today.  She still remembers me, which is even more amazing.  I got the biggest hug, even though there were so many other girls clamoring to see her; she hung out with me and met my girls.  She’s like, “I can’t believe how much you’ve grown up and that you have students of your own now”.  Of course my girls took a picture with her (and I was super cool for a minute because I know Michael Phelps’ mom).  She talked with them for a few minutes, she said to them at one point, “I’ve known your counselor since she was younger than you; she was so shy, so quiet in middle school, kept to herself but I believed in her and I knew she was going todo great things.  And now that same shy girl has grown up into your advocate and your loudest cheerleader and she brought the four of you here because she believes in you the way I believed in her all those years ago and I know you’ll make her as proud as she’s made me.”

It was definitely a bonding moment for my girls and for me. It reminded them that the adults they know in the building were once kids, too.  We were their age once, we remember some of the struggles.  

It was a long day, but it was a great day.  It restored some of my optimism and some of my faith in humanity.  The past couple of weeks had made me more cynical than normal and made me kind of gruff, even with the kids.  It’s hard for someone to experience the last couple of weeks and not become cynical because of it.  But sometimes you need a day to bring you back to your purpose.  I started in this profession to help young people work through their young years so they can become whatever they want to be.  Today four of my girls had some pretty amazing women tell them to go and achieve what they want no matter what anyone says; to accomplish their goals and dreams and make a difference.  They all listened and engaged in the day and it made me happy. 

Here’s hoping this little rough patch is ending and better things are coming.  I’m not sure if I could have handled a lot more of the bad things.  

And not in a good way.  

I’ve sat down to write this several times now and haven’t been able to do it without crying. 

About a week and a half ago, one of my girls passed away. She graduated this past May, so she wasn’t “current” but current enough that it ripped my heart out.  

When my Dean and President came in to my office to tell me, I about fell backwards.  I didn’t know what to do or say.  I just knew that this beautiful young lady was gone and we didn’t know how.  

Of course, being the counselor, I have to snap into action.  It was lunch time and if the girls were going to find out anytime it was bound to be now.  So while administration went to tell the faculty, I went to cafeteria with the girls.  I wasn’t telling them; we weren’t sure how to do that yet, but I just wanted to see if anyone heard anything yet.  The cafeteria was buzzing but no one seemed upset or alarmed, which was nice because then we could maybe control how the news broke.  

That was until one person took it into her own hands to tell her class after lunch despite strict instructions to not say anything. By the end of the day we were in full crisis mode.  Granted she graduated last year and was somewhat quiet outside of her class, so the whole school wasn’t shutting down, but I had a long parade of girls upset by this; just like I was upset by this.  

She had her demons, that’s for sure.  I met with her often because of them; but she was a beautiful soul.  She always wanted to make everyone happy and would do anything for anyone.  She loved everyone; I just wish she could have loved herself even half as much.  

This past Monday several faculty members and myself took a group of girls that she was still close with at school to her funeral.  No amount of training will ever prepare you for the death of one of your students.  She might have graduated last year but she was still one of my girls; they’re all my girls at my school.  I held one of my seniors as she was crying during the service; I was crying with her.  

I saw so many of my girls from last year.  I hated the reason that was bringing us all together again, but it was nice to see them all support their friend’s family.  Even some who went far away to school came home to say goodbye to their friend.  

It’s been one of the rougher weeks that I could have.  As a community, we’re all still mourning her.  But some of her friends are trying to make something positive out of all of this.  They want to hold a school-wide assembly educating our school about the kind of demons their friend faced and what they can do about it if they suffer from it or know someone else who does.  They asked me to help them organize it which I’m more than happy to do.  Maybe it’ll help us all heal and bring some peace to all of us who are still so upset that she was taken from us all too soon.  

Thankfully I am in a better place than I was a week ago.  Last week at this time I was dreading tomorrow because I didn’t want to sit in a room with a coffin of someone who should still be with us.  We’re all healing; it’s what she would have wanted: she wanted everyone to be happy.